HIGH ALERT IN USA FOR NEXT FEW HOURS!

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Meteorologists, usually the “fierce protectors” of public safety through prediction, found themselves baffled. The “topography” of the storm defied every known model. It was a “structural assessment” of America’s aging electrical grid, which buckled under the “excessive force” of the sub-zero temperatures. In the “aftermath” of the freeze, cities like Chicago and Minneapolis became “worthless” hubs of ice, their “stability and growth” frozen in time.

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