A new Army recruit was on the rifle range.

‘Darned if I know,’ chirped the little boy, ‘but this morning my sister was missing one, my mother fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy!’

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”

The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee –

OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”

The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!”